Kaplan's Sammy Kershaw Misses the CMA Carpet and Is Quoted $800 for a Seat by the Meat Pie

$800, which still did not buy the carpet.

Sammy Kershaw asked the Country Music Association for a few minutes on the Nov. 18 red carpet and got a no, plus a regular seat quoted at about $800 with no promise he would sit near the other singers. He has been a lifetime member since 1992, and he said he had already shifted tour dates and booked the flight with his wife, two weeks out from the show. The association has not answered the question. A carport on the edge of town has. "They will take the songs and they will not let the man stand on the rug for five minutes," said neighbor Ray Landry, centering a meat pie on a folding chair. "So this is the carpet. The pie did not check a list, and it did not ask anybody for eight hundred dollars." Kershaw's management said he is not planning to attend. Landry set the carport for 7 p.m., same as the broadcast, and said the $800 can stay home and pay for the pie, the chair, and a string of lights that reaches the mailbox and quits.

This is satire from The Cypress Knee.